He is still her Son…

By Just Valerie

The husband, wife, and his mother. The bond between a son and his mother is one that’s not easily broken. People are so quick to quote scriptures from the Bible that they feel fits their particular situation. Yes the bible says that a man should forsake his family and place his wife first. The same bible tells a man how to choose a wife. The one quality that stands out in my mind is virtue. A woman who is virtuous marked by virtue, and morally good.  That statement speaks for it’s self. If you can read this article you should know what constitutes morally good. Just in case an isolated few has a problem with knowing right from wrong I guess it’s time I break it down to you.

First off, you should be his friend, lover, and wife. You are not his mother. His mother is his mother and friend. A virtuous woman makes peace. She doesn’t try to divide a family or good relationships in her husband’s life, which were there long before she was.  A virtuous woman doesn’t have an “It’s a new sheriff in town attitude”.  Meaning I’m running it now, so if you want to deal with my husband you must first deal with me. The fact that he married you, even if he married you because you were expecting or are the mother of his child or children, which is the case sometimes. He made you a wife; everybody knows that so you don’t have to prove it. Respect automatically comes with that title wife…

Now, your husband loves his mother. He listens to her advice, you don’t agree with the advice she gives him. You have to realize in most cases this same mother that you have elected to make a rival has been this man’s supporter, provider, bodyguard, and comforter when the weight of the world has been on his shoulders. In some cases there may be things that he can’t talk to you about, maybe it’s about you. He may continue seeking his mother’s advice behind your back if he feels it will cause an argument with you.  If he married you, in the times we are living in now you probably have a child or children already. This husband that looked beyond that and married you anyway regardless to your past (and many of us have one so don’t trip) had to have been taught by this same woman that you want removed, to look at the person and her circumstances.

A morally good wife has compassion for others; she is unselfish, she isn’t afraid to share her husband with his family or friends. The thing is in most cases I see it’s okay for the husband be associate with the wife’s friends and family, but not his own. I often say that every man pass a certain age has loved someone before you. You must know and realize that the people of ones past are the reason they are the individuals they are today good or bad. If he had a life before you, you should have had one before him…

My advice to any wife is, be your husbands friend, he shouldn’t have to hide the fact that he sees his friends or family without you being with him. The man shouldn’t have to dismiss his prior obligations to anybody even if it’s an ex because of you. In others words nobody should have to be made to break a promise to anyone else, because of whatever reason. Even if it’s because their present mate, spouse or whoever says no. Your word is your bond, and it was made prior to the present significant other being in the picture and if they were in the picture the principle remain “Your word is Bond”…This isn’t the 40’s or 50’s nor even the 60’s. If you are a healthy person work with your spouse, two can accomplish more financially than one.

Support your husband listen to him, really listen. If you would stop trying to be everything to your husband you could probably be a better wife. You can’t be everything to him so stop trying. Try being his mate and not mother, there is a unity between a man and his wife that he and his mother can’t have. The mother isn’t trying to be his mate she is only trying to be his mother. The one that gave birth to him, nourished him to adulthood, cried at night for him when she didn’t know how she would provide for him (because his father wouldn’t), in some cases she did things out of her character to provide food, clothing, and shelter for him, and finally instilled whatever he has in him to have made you want to marry him. A man may have several wives in a life-time, but has only one mother. Always know that “He is still her Son”…

In closing, I would like to ask you to remember that one persons trash is another’s treasure….Peace out.